Ever since I was eight years old, I have known about a God and His deep love for us. His love was so strong that He became man and gave His life for the ones who turned away from Him. To save us, He died a sinner’s death but He was sinless — all because of His love for us. He rose three days later to spend eternity with us. I have known this but stood afar and watched. It wasn’t until I was 16 years old that I truly believed and committed my life to my Savior.
God heals broken bodies, broken minds, broken hearts and broken lives. I lived a life that has been ripped to shreds and only Jesus Christ repaired it. My childhood years are filled with sexual abuse by close relatives, alcohol abuse, and violence. My younger brother and I were taken away from my mother by Child Protective Services. During that time my Foster Parent’s sons, nephews or grandsons sexually abused me until my father came to my rescue. He took me to his mom’s house on the reservation, Hardrock. I hoped the abuse ended there, however it didn’t. I lived in a house full of men and they had no clue how to take care of a little girl. Grandma and my uncles ended up putting me in the school dorm during the week.
I thought I was finally in a safe place but I was sexually abused by the men who worked at the school. I went home on the weekends were my cousin sexually abused me. I was full of anger at everyone and myself. I knew about God’s love but would tell myself, “If God is so loving, why would He allow all of this to happen to me?”
I began to think suicidal thoughts by the time I reached the age of 12. I began to get into physical fights, drink alcohol, smoke weed, and use guys. My uncles thought I needed to live with my aunt who is a Christian. She and her family took me to church but I was always angry with God. I moved back to my grandmother’s and I felt no need to change so I continued to do what I had done before going to my aunt’s.
When I was in 8th grade, my mother was beat to death by her boyfriend. My father felt guilty for her death even though he didn’t do it. His guilt turned into anger and he soon began to physically abuse my brother and I. I turned to more drinking, smoking, partying, and since that wasn’t enough, I began to cut myself. After using all these things to cope or entertain myself, I would find myself alone in my room with nothing. I began to ask myself, “Is this all life has to offer me?” I began to remember what Jesus Christ had done for me. I realized that it is a relationship with Him that I needed. I realized that all the abuse men had done to me was not God’s fault but man’s evil natural state, sin. So, that night I cried out to God, repented of my sins, and asked Jesus to come into my life and change me from the inside out. He did!
My life has changed marvelously! I no longer turn to alcohol and partying instead I turn to Jesus Christ. He is the Father to the fatherless. He is the healer to the broken. He has many promises for me and I know He will keep each and every promise. He is the Rock of my life. Through every obstacle I’ve been through, I became a lady who is known as honest, joyful, dedicated, passionate, ambitious, and a woman of God. I have a heart for others now. I know that without Jesus Christ I would not have experienced this miraculous change. My father has apologized to my brother and me for all the hurt he put on us. I have forgiven him and we are reconciled.
I want to go to Bible school to better prepare myself for wherever the Lord Jesus leads me and whatever He wants me to do in His service. I love telling people about Him and it gives me the biggest thrill praying with someone for salvation.